I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
