Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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