did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
