I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
