My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
