she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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