Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
