I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
