just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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