Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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