I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
