We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
tell me about the eggs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
