yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize