I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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