After last night, I could never be a politician.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
