Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
