at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Mom said you looked used
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
