Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
