She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
