i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
