ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
