after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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