If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
