it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
