well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize