Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
