I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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