I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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