Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
