waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize