I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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