the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
