You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
