coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
