the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
