And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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