when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
