I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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