Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
