my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
