saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
