I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
