i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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