If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
