wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
