So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Less talking, more tequila
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
