woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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