I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
