woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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