I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
