their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
