so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
whose ass print is on the piano?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
