I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
