she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
