Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
