if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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