i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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