it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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