Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
