so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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