dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize