are you still at the devil's house?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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