Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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