Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
