1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize