One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
