So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
