Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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