babies were throwing up all over the place
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
