I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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