I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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