You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
