I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
