Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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