guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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