There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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