im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
