i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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