I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
