sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
