I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
