I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
