I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
