i was born a porn star she said
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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