he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
