He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
