grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
