my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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