do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
