Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
