So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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