His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
