you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
