I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Be still, my beating vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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