I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize