when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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