It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
