from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
