his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
