i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
