i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
