i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
