I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize