But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
