mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
