So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
After tacos, we're chasing women.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
