So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
