why didn't you poke me back
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I touched a dick in church today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
