She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
