So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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