You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry about my life...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize