Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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