our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
