i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
